I know many that are reading this have already heard the story, but for those that haven't, here's a post for you.
A few weeks ago, I found a lump in my breast. Cameron had pushed up against me and I was more sore than usual because of it. I called me OB a few days later and her nurse said to wait until my next period came to see if it went away (because of hormones). Well, I waited through that week, but things got worse. I called the OB's office again and got an apt. When I went in, my doctor found the lump right away--I guess it was pretty big. She figured it was a cyst and did a fine-needle biopsy to try to draw out any fluid. She didn't get any (which meant it wasn't a cyst), so she referred me to a general surgeon and wanted me to get a sonogram and a mammogram.
Well, they couldn't get me in until almost 2 weeks later! I had to think about this for that long! But even at that time, I felt like things were going to be ok. I felt good all through last week, but then over the weekend, I had some major doubts about what I had felt. I was trying really hard to remember, but I felt like Satan was really working hard to discourage and scare me. I knew that Heavenly Father doesn't give us a spirit of fear and I was trying to make that my motto for those few days. But all I could do was think about how scary it would be if I had breast cancer...my mind raced through all the scenarios--what would happen to Cameron?Would Chad have to quit school? Would we be able to have more kids? Etc. I had received a priesthood blessing around the time I had my apt. with my OB and felt pretty good then. I even sort of felt like the lump was maybe getting smaller. But then, maybe it was all wishful thinking...?
So, Monday night (just two days ago), I got another priesthood blessing. I had been so up and down emotionally for the few days before that that I really needed something to calm my nerves. And the blessing was exactly what I needed. I felt so much better after it and deep down, I knew that I would be ok and that I didn't have cancer. In the blessing, it was mentioned that Heavenly Father was aware of the great test of faith and patience that it had been for me while I waited to find out the news. Was it ever!
It turns out that everything is fine. When I went to get my ultrasound, they couldn't find any lump. I could still feel something, so I went ahead with the mammogram. The x-rays looked good, too (although ladies under 40, you might not want to get one until you have to...a LOT of squishing involved!!). Then I met with the general surgeon who showed me the sonogram and mammogram and then did a breast exam. She said it was just thickened tissue.
Now, this might seem like a very anti-climactic story, but I KNOW that the lump got smaller over the week that I waited. I know it. I know that if I had gone to the surgeon the same day I saw my OB, there probably would have been a different outcome--at least a biopsy. Cause that's how scary and big it was.
When this whole thing started, I prayed that my experience would be useful for someone else. And when I prayed that, the thought came that I should bear my testimony about it. I was thinking that I would do it next month (after I knew the results and could talk about what I had learned, etc), but we had Fast Sunday a few days ago and the spirit was so strong in motivating me to get me up in front of everyone. Now, I haven't born my testimony in over two years. Yeah. Pretty sad. So, I was in no hurry to get up there on Sunday--I was too nervous. And I didn't even know when I got up that I would say what I did. But I found myself telling everyone about my experience; about how I had felt ok about things, but that I was scared but knew that Heavenly Father was aware of me and my needs and would comfort me.
I don't think Chad would have advised me to say something like that (so personal) to the whole congregation, but I can't tell you how many people have told me that they're glad I shared that with them. Not sure what it might mean to each person individually, but I'm really glad that I listened to the Spirit.
I'm very humbled from this whole thing. It only lasted a few weeks, but it really made me focus on my life and what I am doing and not doing to be the best person I can be. Every few years, something scary like this happens to me (a lump in my neck when Chad and I were engaged, thinking that Cameron might have Downs when I was pregnant, and now this) and I truly think it's a way to get me to see what's important in life. It seems to happen when I hit a spiritual plateau.
I'm also very humbled by the love I've been shown from friends and family and especially from people in my ward. You don't really realize how much people care about you until you go through a difficult time and you see how much compassion people have. So I want to thank everyone for the love and support I've been given.
Well, there it is. Not a tragic tale, but such a learning and growing experience for me. And I hope I'm a better person for having gone through it.
