Random thoughts

So, not much to post lately. I have less than 8 weeks of pregnancy left (let's hope it's more like 6 weeks, hint hint little baby girl!) and I'm doing pretty well. Every now and then, I totally lose my patience with this girl for the way she's flipping around in there while I'm trying to relax and get to sleep. But for the most part, I feel good.

Cameron has been a little more defiant for the past few days. He's always been a pretty obedient kid. But he's really been trying to test me. It's usually for little things... getting out of the bathtub, cleaning up his toys, getting his clothes on, etc. after I've asked him to do these things 6 times. I just get tired, ya know? But I'm trying to be more patient with him. I lose my patience so easily and then at the end of the day, I feel bad that he probably felt like all I did was tell him to hurry up or get going or not to do such and such that day. So I need to be more patient.

I've seen two friends' newborns in the last few weeks and it's helped me be more excited for what's to come. Both babies were so little and sweet. I feel kind of bad, but I think I'm more excited to meet this baby than I was to meet Cameron. I'm not too sure why, except that even though I know there will be major challenges, I know how great it will be, too. And I really mean that. I'm not saying this to pump myself up knowing what a challenge it is to have a newborn in my life again. Like I said, I know it will be hard, but it's amazing how sweet and innocent these little babies are. And while it's hard that they completely rely on you for everything, it's kind of wonderful to be able to offer that type of love and service to them.

I think I also feel more confident this time around. It was a great unknown with Cameron. And once he came, my world flipped upside-down. I didn't really know who I was anymore and I had to figure out how to embrace the motherhood role. This time, I know I'm a mom. I don't naively think it'll all be bliss. But I also recognize the tender, quiet moments you can have just looking at your baby.

I have some great visiting teachers and I was reminded today of the great importance of motherhood. I know being a mom has changed me. I serve a lot more than I ever did-- for Cameron and for Chad. But sometimes I think I'm bitter about it... like I haven't changed in the way I would like to. One of my vts reminded me today that we can look to Heavenly Father's example for how to teach and rear our kids. We love them so much and want the best for them. But sometimes it's good to let them struggle so they can learn and find their own way. In the same way, we can improve our relationship with Heavenly Father by knowing how He wants us to learn and grow. We can also have a greater appreciation for the Atonement. I don't know many people that would be willing to allow their child (and not even a perfect one) go through something as incredible as the Atonement and the suffering that the Savior did for us.

I need to work on not getting so caught up in the daily, routine things that happen at home and focus more on the eternal aspect of things. What type of people do I want my children to be? How can they influence other people's live? These are things I really want to focus on.