But I was thinking in bed tonight about being a mom and I couldn't sleep. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I ate a sandwich about 20 minutes ago and need to digest! Yes, I like the midnight snacks!
I get really frustrated with discipline issues. I'm not sure how to really discipline Cameron. I put him in timeouts and I think they're starting to have a little impact on him. (He used to just run to timeout--our hallway-- like it was his favorite spot!) I have a tough time when he throws tantrums and I can't figure out a way to reason with him or even know what he wants or needs. I have a hard time when he's sick for weeks on end. I get bored being a mom sometimes.
But as I laid in bed tonight, I became so grateful for him and for this little baby inside. When we were deciding to have another baby, Chad was really the cheerleader. I was so hesitant... it was way back in Feb. of last year and Cameron was only 9 months old! But I also knew how much work it would be for me and what it would do to my body again (I was still losing weight at that point... oh those glorious days!). I finally asked Chad, "Why do you want another baby so badly?" And he told me it was because Cameron made him... and us... so happy. I had to think about it, but he was (and is) right.
Cameron is hilarious. I love that kid. He runs in circles and sings songs with me when I'm trying to get him to calm down for his nap. I'll ask him a question and he answers with "yeah" like he's a teenager. He's pretty obedient and will do what I ask-- for the most part. He's really sweet. And I think I have more sympathy for him since his hair is really short (could it be that he looks ill?!). :)
Having a child and becoming a mom has changed my life. And I would say it was for the better. Sometimes I wish I could be working right now-- just to do something different. But I know I would be wishing I could be home with Cameron (and baby girl Shorter-- we still need to get a name!). My life can seem monotonous, but my life has always been that way-- even at a job. I've never been on a career path. I always knew I would be a mom and stay at home with my kids. I obviously didn't know what that would entail, but I knew working up the corporate ladder wasn't for me.
I think one of the greatest things about being a mom is being able to see such little changes take place in your kids. I went through about a gazillion tubs of clothes that Cameron has yesterday, trying to salvage what Cameron wore for this little girl-- things that would be girl-worthy. Some outfits, I could never remember Cameron wearing. Did he get it right before he grew into a bigger size? But there were some outfits that brought back a lot of memories for me. And it was a bittersweet few hours I spent going through those things. I'm so excited about who he has become already. And I do miss him as a baby.
I would love to be that mother who has it all together... clean house, plans great outings and activities, reads the scriptures all the time, makes great meals, and is never mean to her kids. But I know that's not possible. I can't be perfect. I guess I'm just going to do my best and pray a lot! And try to enjoy Cameron and this little girl when she comes.
13 comments:
Awesome post, Ginnie. This is exactly what I meant about keeping it honest. Yes, it's hard. But there are wonderful parts too! I get so nostalgic looking at baby pictures and clothes too. And do my kids make me smile! Thanks for the reminder of how great they can be too.
You're great.
I too was in bed thinking a long time last night waiting for my sugar cookie's to digest - ha ha at least you had a healthy sandwich.
I enjoy hearing others thoughts on motherhood. I also planned on being a stay at home mom and didn't want to climb the corporate ladder. I'm so grateful to Logan for giving me that opportunity to be home with Brennan. I love watching him grow every day and learn new things. He does make me laugh with the little things he does, and I know it will only get better. I can't imagine sending him to day care and having someone else watch all his learning and firsts and miss it!
I know that the hard times in motherhood really help us appreciate all the good times that much more! You're doing great Ginnie! Cameron is a cute kid, I love to watch him at church.
That's so true, Ginnie! Dave and I were talking about that the other night when I was just wishing we could go away on a huge vacation, no kids, or just travel the world. He brought up a great point. The joy we have with our children everyday greatly outweigh the fun of a week's trip or the experiences of traveling. We will get that chance, but right now at this point in our lives- it's the journey of raising babies! :) I hope you are feeling well!
Ginnie- I was thinking about long ago I was the perfect mother. I watched all sorts of mothering techniques and knew which ones were best and worked. I knew how I was going to respond to every situation, I would never yell at my children (because only bad moms do that) and I had my days planned out with totally fun activities, adventures at the park, play days, library reading times....the list goes on and on. THEN, I became a mother and all of those great ideas and aspirations flew out the window. Why do my children respond to me in ways that I have NO clue how to handle? Why is it that when I want to something fun for them, they are cranky and won't obey and throw up all over their clothes before we go and have to end up staying home? Yes, this list can go on and on as well. I am experiencing something that I have never done, you are experiencing something that you have never done either. I have learned alot about myself and my personality. I am thankful for my challenges and the hard days that I have, it makes my good days better and that is what I am trying to focus on. SOmedays I actually feel like what I am doing is sinking in and it is really fun to see! And, Luckily I have good friends that are good mothers, like you, to watch and learn from, and even share our bad days with!
You're a great mom & you're always learning ... that's what I've always found with my own kids -- thanks Gin, Kate, Josh, Scott. And I should now publicly say, "Thanks for being patient with me all these years & for continuing to teach me about mothering, friendship, sacrifice & how to love like the Savior would love."
Mom
It is hard to see the progress you're making with your kids when you do it day in and day out. But the progress definitely occurs. The rewards of motherhood are definitely not always immediate, but they are there. Some days are harder than others as a mom, but then there are the good days too. I loved Elder Ballard's talk from last April conference (a year ago) about motherhood. He talks about how hard it is, but that we have to find the little joys amidst the sorrows, the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the difficult pregnancies, etc. We definitely get all wrapped up in them and it's hard to take a step back sometimes and remember all the fun things they do, but they do happen. Hang in there, you're a great mom to Cameron and to this new baby girl already. You're doing the best you can with them, and that's what matters. Cameron is healthy and happy and that's where you score all your points. Good luck with the discipline thing though. I'm crossing that bridge when I come to it.
-- Melissa
I especially liked your story about Chad talking you into having another baby. (Jonathan was ready for another one after the first month, and I am still telling hi that we aren't having any more!)
I can't imagine not remembering all of Gideon's little outfits! That re-exploration is something to look forward to! I'm still so wrapped up in his newness.
I also sometimes find motherhood monotonous. With Jonathan gone this week, I have been giving myself permission to take a lot of breaks. I don't subscribe to the school of thought that letting him cry or not rushing to his side (at three months) is good for him, but I do believe that it's okay, and that when it's good for me, it's good for him.
So I let him swing or sleep or drink his bottle by himself, for my sanity. But I am seeing how much Gideon is missing out on the talking and playing and cuddling that he gets with two parents around. I am so grateful for Jonathan to help me with parenthood (Can you imagine how hard single parenthood must be?), to give me reprieves when he comes home, to let me talk about the wonderful daily moments.
Amen.
I appreciated this. I have been thinking a lot about my role and identity as a mom lately.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Chad's right they do make us happy. I also believe they can make us better if we let them.
I needed this today, especially when I'm so scared about bringing children into this scary world lately...
So true, we love our kids but somedays it's easy to wish we had a job. I always want to skip age 2! Fastforward to age 4! I love that you and emily posted your feelings on this. I'm just not good at talking about it. But I feel just like you. GOod luck with baby number 2!
Gin, you ROCK! Thanks for the great post. ~m
Just be patient! You're in a tough phase because you're at home a lot. The kids are small and your days are monotonous. I remember them all too well and wondered why people had many children. I thought they were insane. But then we entered the preschool phase - which shook things up a little bit. And then when the boys started regular school, it really gave me more of a defined day. I have to say that I don't want to go back to work, but realize I may have to once all 3 are in school.
I won't tell you to enjoy it while you can because I'd be a hippocrite (I have no idea how to spell it!). Just keep pluggin' along one day at a time. I'm sure there will come a season in our lives when we'll wish we had these days back again!
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